The Tao of Pizza Consumption, mathematics division…

1. The time in minutes required to come to a decision on what toppings to order is equal to the square of the number of people trying to decide.
2. The number of people who actually eat the pizza divided by the number who actually pay for the pizza, is always a number greater than one.
3. The time required to deliver a pizza is inversely proportional to the distance from your location to the pizza joint.
4. The likelihood of a delivery person finding your house is inversely proportional to the number of digits in your street address.
5. In any event, pizza delivery time will always be faster than your city’s police response time.
6. Your ability to taste a topping on a pizza is inversely proportional to the number of toppings on the pizza.
7. As the number of toppings approaches infinity, the amount of cheese found on the pizza approaches zero.
8. The amount of a particular topping is inversely proportional to the price of the pizza.
9. The number of napkins available is inversely proportional to the number of pizza eaters in the room.
10. The amount of sauce that gets on your shirt is inversely proportional to the cost of the shirt.

The Political Prime Directive

Cecil Rhodes, of Rhodes Scholarship fame,
who had noting to do with this.
Lord knows why it was deleted from Wikipedia.

Rhode’s Law

When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.